Marriage Problems Solved – Words To Use, Words To Avoid
February 27, 2010 by Sabrina Summerfield
Filed under Dating Tips
What does the way you speak to your spouse have to do with your lingering marriage problems? If you are to a point of absolute misery in your marriage but want to work things out so you can stay together, the first thing you need to do is analyze how you are communicating with one another when it comes to discussing your relationship.
There is one big difference between many couples who work out their problems and move onto a happy future and those that end in ruin: excellent communication skills. If you think you already have this and it isn’t a problem, you are not alone. In fact, many people who come at their spouses all wrong and set up conflict often believe they have impeccable communication skills.
Chances are you do the same thing on a regular basis without even realizing it! So many people say they just don’t understand why their spouse won’t open up and talk to them. What they don’t realize is that they are shutting down that possibility by the tone of their voice or their choice of words when they initiate the conversation.
What you need to ultimately do is somehow set aside all of those emotions that are so intense and raw at the moment. You need an all new skill set in order to get past that wall your spouse has erected and start to repair the damage with real conversations about how you both feel and what you want.
To begin with, you must approach your spouse at a time they are most open to communications. For instance, it will not suit you well to come at them when they just got laid off from a job or had a rough conversation with someone else on the phone.
Next, you want to control your tone of voice so that it does not even hint that you may be angry with them or that you blame them for something that is going on. The wrong tone can shut down any chance of your spouse really listening to you before you even get to what you really want to say.
Third, have your words carefully planned out ahead of time or even read from paper. You want to focus on your thoughts and feelings without accusing them or placing blame. Make it about you and include your feelings for your spouse and how much you love them in there as well.
This is not a definite way to fix all of your marriage problems overnight, but it can in fact set a new tone for the way you communicate with one another so that future conversations are more healing and less conflicted.
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